Malarkey

There’s actually nothing wrong with this story at all. It takes place – silly as it may sound – in the times of World War 2 that are very attractive for filmmakers. It tells the story of an orphan who makes friends with a stray dog and this entire interesting story revolves around the beautiful countryside of the French Alps. On top of that, the director is very generous and along with the director of cinematography they have created beautiful film shots that are literally a pleasure to watch. A very well-made family flick.

I really like Mélanie Laurent, but with this movie, I didn’t even feel like watching it to the end. The girls tried really hard, but in the end it was for naught because they didn’t come up with anything original. A classically average drama from the world of contemporary France.

For the entire movie, you are watching an actress who – whether she wants it or not – keeps promenading herself before the camera in her panties. On top of that, she keeps getting molested by her Hispanic-looking husband and a couple of little girls keep running around, around whom the movie was supposed to revolve. But when, after an hour of watching, you feel that not a hair on the man’s chest has moved in the plot, it becomes really hard to look for any reason to feel happy about this film. The only positive aspect is the cinematography – it produces very nice shots – but the premise is about nothing at all.

I was originally going to give this film a four-star review, but when I read the reviews below I realized that three would be just about enough. The movie had such a satisfying premise that it could have incited very different emotions from those it did… and that the entire thing was rescued by the camera taking shots of the extremely beautiful countryside? That sure as hell isn’t enough. The Russian movie The Return is a whole level better.

The film focuses on the central couple, who at the same time work as a sort of romantic center-point and who are trying to have their relationship / non-relationship somewhere in the Ukrainian Donbas region. What’s definitely worth noting is the setting in which the movie takes place. It’s also no less interesting to watch the characters in the film. I believe that they will likely be based on some real models. But the lives of the people suffering in the frozen setting of a war are as cold as the countryside itself. For the entire almost two hours, I felt as cold as a witch’s teat. The only moment that broke me was the ending. It proved that it was worth the two-hour wait.

One of those dystopian sci-fi flicks with many aspects that deserve criticism. But thanks to the premise and to how well it is made, you will quickly forgive all its shortcomings and you will enjoy the overcrowded world that a female dictator is trying to regulate. Noomi Rapace’s acting performance is out of this world. Probably similar to James McAvoy’s work in Split last year. I would never have thought that a single actress could create a different set of emotions for each of the seven characters that she plays in this film. It’s pretty clear she is in charge of this sci-fi movie. And since she is a pleasure to behold, it is a pleasure to watch the entire movie as well.

This film’s problem is that – whether I like it or not – I have to compare it to The Big Bang Theory. And that’s slightly better and, what’s more important, funnier. But I am quite fond of Icelandic cinematography in general and I am even fonder of the then Miss Iceland – Hildur. But the problem is that the very slow start of the film is then replaced with a series of funny scenes, which in an original manner, but one that doesn’t really fit into the movie much, are supplemented with scenes from the RPG world. Dorks & Damsels is definitely an original and interesting film. Some parts of it are funny, but it doesn’t keep that fun up for the entire length of the film. You can clearly see that not only the characters in the sketch were nerds, but that the authors of the film are nerds themselves. Still, as a small-scale flick for similar nerd enthusiasts, Dorks & Damsels is pretty alright and it definitely deserves its place in the sun.

There’s nothing special about this film. Maybe the cast is pretty cool. But what good is that if for instance Jan Budař is behaving as if he’d just had a lobotomy? I mean it can be fun in some films, but once it starts seeming as if he was doing a parody of himself, you know something isn’t right. And that’s what the movie is actually about. The coolest (meaning positive aspect of the film) were the two naughty little girls who were screaming whenever they could… and the screamed a lot. You gotta hand it to them. All in all, not great, more like worse average.

In this film, Whoopi plays a character that is as annoying as the draft coming from under your door and on top of that, she hates Christmas. And even though the actual Santa Claus, portrayed by an actor who is very well known for his role of the permanent secretary at a ministry, Sir Humprey Appleby in Yes, Minister!,manages to change her mind about Christmas, it still doesn’t save the overall impression of the movie. At least the Yanks put his residence to Norway. Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Since pre-Christmas clean-up was underway at our house, I simply turned on the TV and the only film that I didn’t know was this piece of shit. A movie as stupid as a clogged toilet. I don’t get that Casper Van Dien was in Starship Troopers. But then again… his face fit pretty well in that B-list movie.