10,000 B.C.

Ein naives CGI-Märchen, das außer der Mammutjagd am Anfang absolut nichts zu bieten hat. Nicht einmal die vorausgesetzte Emmerich-Dummheit ist hier unterhaltsam. Die zwei Stunden im Kino waren völlig überflüssig. Das ist mir schon lange nicht mehr passiert. Leere hoch drei – von oben bis unten – vom Drehbuch bis hin zu den Schauspieler*innen. Fürchterlich. (17.03.2008)

As the years go by, Emmerich clearly goes to the very core of what he can afford to show audiences and, paradoxically, makes more entertaining films with it. This hundred-million-dollar juggernaut neatly recycles the famous "1950s" monster movies, except this time Ray Harryhausen has been replaced by CGI. This is an uncompromisingly stupid (the dialogue!) and unrelentingly effective (the action!) flick, with not a single second of dead air, and if you have an archaeology student sitting next to you who is obviously enjoying it too (just from a slightly different perspective), you’ll have nothing to worry about. For all of the aforementioned, I am tempted to give the film a full rating. Maybe also a bit out of spite to everyone else who has to discover the hidden spirit of madness and film science in such films. :) (01.04.2008)

Directed by a Cro-Magnon, screenplay by a Neanderthal, and actors are homo sapiens sap... No, just plain homo sapiens. Just crap the size of a mammoth, excuse my language, turd. I’m sure even those saber-toothed tigers are capable of having more meaningful dialogs. And these are the movie’s greatest assets. It's hard to find a dumber and more idiotic movie, that is at the same time so sincerely childishly and mean-spiritedly entertaining. The best part is that apparently everyone takes it so deadly seriously. There is not a single deliberate joke ore snappy comeback in the whole film. Personally, what most amused me was Omar Sharif's "poetic" narrator and playing at thoughtful mythology. From the Egyptian passage onward I began to be afraid that it would turn out to be a prolog to Stargate. If you're expecting a second Quest for Fire you have the wrong movie, but if you want to see one big “what?", you're definitely in the right place. (05.07.2008)

"From the eternal child to his fans, with love Roland." I certainly don't count myself among Emmerich's fans, but I won't fault this movie. The only problem I see is the name, which should at least seemingly remind us of historical realities. But this is absolutely not about history, and Emmerich knows it. The whole thing is as predictable as a fairy tale, that's all there is to it. The pseudo-historical realities serve as a vehicle, not a goal, and if the Brothers Grimm's name had appeared in the end credits, I wouldn't have been surprised, really. Think of it as a sterile, harmless bedtime story, with a guy with dreadlocks and supermodels in furs running arounds, with very pretty pictures that stand out on the big screen and you can't be mad. (21.05.2008)

Another opportunity for an entertaining-adventurous film wasted. Emmerich's straightforward childishness and honesty with which he tells his stories fascinated me at times. However, as a result, the film is just a tired fable in which cavemen speak English with a Middle Eastern accent, mammoths build pyramids, and the last remnants of adventure are saved by a five-minute scene with a saber-toothed tiger. (28.12.2009)