J*A*S*M

It’s 21 hours, 51 minutes and 43 seconds of October 2, 2009, the temperature outside is 11°C, and while Jakub is reviewing Amélie, 26 people are having an orgasm in the city of České Budějovice.

Fancy Teletubbies with an environmental agitprop message. This really isn’t my cup of tea.

While the father redefined the genre in his day, the son now has joined the ranks of nobodies who want to redefine it. Staunton Hill could be included in a dictionary as the opposite of creativity. It must be hard to make something so derivative and unoriginal. Boredom everywhere.

A cheap TV movie that is so stupid at times that almost makes you laugh – even though it takes itself very seriously. The filmmakers should be commended for patiently trying to build an atmosphere, but unfortunately, they often do it at the expense of other important things, like for instance, the bearings of the audience – there are characters who often show up in places where they should never be. It’s hard to say how faithful the script is to King’s short story or to the the first film adaptation (I didn’t read the former, nor watched the latter), but I guess that they came up themselves with that weird ending (in the bad sense). I can’t recommended it in any way, or maybe only if you want to enjoy the longest and most boring chase in a corn field that I’ve ever seen.

Final Destination meets Jumanji. Dragonflies bring death. For Sy-Fy standards, Open Graves is certainly above par and surprisingly watchable even without any intoxicating substances in your blood. It also has moments where it manages to hold some tension, provided, of course, that you don’t think or otherwise engage the brain too much.

High expectations are usually followed by disappointment. I’m sorry, but this film failed to satisfy me horror-wise. The Halloween atmosphere is great (something so stylish feels almost like revelation these days), but it was unable to make me feel afraid. There are a couple of very effective jump-scares, but every opportunity to generate fear is ruined by something, either the music (good but not for horror), the actors or the comedic evil. Trick 'r Treat will likely become a cult film that horror fans (myself included) will always mention when speaking about the past decade, but it’s also an example of a film that will never win my heart. In any case, it’s good. 7/10

You bastards got what you deserved! And so does this film: 2*

There must have been miracle in Dark Castle Entertainment! There’s no other way to explain the fact that a company that so far had only produced horror films that were average at best (even if most fans consider them less than that), this year has already delivered the enthusiastically received Orphan (which I still haven’t watched) and this hixploitation gem, The Hills Run Red. Personally, I’m thrilled that there are still low-key movies about which I know almost nothing beforehand and that can surprise me and delight me so much, like this one. THRR is something between homage to the subgenre (it refers with a bit of exaggeration to all the hixploitation films ever made) and a slight critique of the genre (you get what you want) that runs like a Swiss clock (even though the introduction is a bit too long, but not unnecessarily so), plays nicely with the clichés and has a surprisingly good story (considering…). Anyone who has seen a redneck slasher or two will finally get a “cliché scene” that ends a little differently than usual, and always with a wink. The only weak thing are the actors, who aren’t very good, but are more than enough for a direct-to-video film. PS: There’s a scene in the end credits that in a fairly original and uniquely perverted way opens the door for a sequel – don’t miss It.

Honestly, one of the best comic-book adaptations I’ve ever seen (together with The Dark Night and Watchmen). Unlike the first part, X2 goes further in almost everything, has a better story and some brilliant and unforgettable scenes (Magneto’s escape from prison), and it’s excellent overall. 9/10

One of those films that I really loved in the cinema back in the day and, even though I’m basically twice as old now, nothing has changed with the years. X-Men is an entertaining comic-book film that clearly doesn’t feel very comfortable in its own clothes (it’s somewhat cautious and insecure), which affects the impression a little, but doesn’t matter because the sequel already reaches the highest rating :-) The X-Men are still a favourite: Wolverine, Cyclops… shit, I forgot about Magneto. So, Magneto, Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm… shit, I forgot about Rogue... Magneto, Wolverine, Cyclops, Rogue, Storm, ... bugger, Professor X :-D