J*A*S*M

The latest addition to the “serial killer in a big house” family isn’t too good. The creators rely on one cliché after the other, character behaviour that defies reason and a script that couldn’t be any more predictable. What they did get right is the atmosphere. It was surprising that, even though what would happen next and how was pretty clear, the tension was serious at times, making the film likeable and watchable until the end. BTW, Udo Kier’s accent is amazing.

This is such a dud! The zombies not only can run, but also supernaturally jump, use a rifle, crawl in ventilation ducts and climb walls and roofs. They also look very unscary and make sounds that will put an amused grin on your face instead of causing fear. There’s plenty of gore, but very unconvincing; the characters behave like assholes and the climax was just the cherry on top. Two stars should be reward enough for the fact that this bollocks is at least not boring thanks to its decent pace.

The French have become very good at horror and Inside is one of the best horror films of 2007 for me. A nerve-wrecking spectacle that blends the bloodiness of High Tension (but multiplied several times) and the atmosphere of Them. It tells the story of a pregnant woman who lost her husband in a car accident four months ago, it’s Christmas Eve and her home has been invaded by a psychopath, unleashing hell. I must warn that this film is not for people who can’t bear the sight of blood, because there is a lot of it. Unfortunately, on a second viewing that bloodiness is no longer that unsettling and you start noticing some very big issues with the behaviour of the characters that become truly massive by the end. As a result, the rating goes down to 85%.

This remake is not good, really. We follow a wooden Jessica Alba moving around with the same twisted expression for the entire film, while uttering “smart” monologues – she’s so much fun to watch. Those few scary scenes from the original are totally ruined and trampled to the ground. In short, I don’t think The Eye is a good choice, and I mean both the American and the original from Hong-Kong.

A warning to all potential viewers: this film is neither funny nor scary, it’s shit thrown at everyone with good taste. The actors are not worth mentioning, the dialogues feel improvised, the script must have been written by a 10 year-old kid and the special effects are laughable. Utter waste of time.

Pretty effective horror and certainly not boring to watch. Although there’s plenty to be criticised about the story, the pace is good and there’s a decent atmosphere here and there, so the occasional hole in logic can be forgiven. What is not very good, however, is the look of the alien. It’s OK when it’s under a blanket and you can only see a piece of it, but the moment they show it in full, it ceases to be effective – that weird mouth doesn’t look too scary – it looks like a shabby Cody (that one was really hideous). But if you know what to expect from a small horror B-movie, you won’t be disappointed.

An above-average and very atmospheric take on a below-par story. It’s almost surprising how watchable it is, even if nothing much happens for most of the time. The actors are believable, but it’s better not to think too much about the logic of the script. I don’t know if revealing the killer so quickly in the last few seconds was such a good idea to reveal, the reveal should have been done gradually or not at all… 80%.

An undemanding, mysterious little movie aimed mostly at a teenage audience. An interesting premise, a straightforward and predictable script, a clichéd and kitschy climax – it’s all there and it’s quite nice to watch. The actors are decent for the standards of the teenage genre, but the direction is so uninteresting that devalues any hint of atmosphere or dramatic depth, and they could have cut out a lot more. 60%

This film has a very thick atmosphere at times, the jump-scares are very effective – one of them almost left me breathless. The performances are not perfect, but they do the job – Italian is so nice to listen to, especially when accompanied by great music… Argento is not afraid to show stuff that would hardly be well received if it came from an American director (or would hardly be understood), but that European audiences can take without problem. The story itself is passable, but the ending felt a bit rushed, which is a shame because the minutes that preceded it were very intense (both in atmosphere and gore) and I think it could have been a bit longer… It’s not for everyone, but rather for connoisseurs of horror from the 70s and 80s.

I had the same problem as with the first one: it became boring after a few minutes. That’s surprising because there’s something going on almost all the time – the aliens killing someone or fighting with the predator – but it’s executed in such a sterile and dull way that it almost makes you sad when you imagine how it could have been if… If the action scenes weren’t confusing, if the characters uttered sensible dialogues, if the extraterrestrial monsters were shown in full at least for a bit, or if it focused more on the atmosphere – in other words, if someone else had directed. The final impression is a little bit better than with the first one, but still weak. AvP 3 this time in space and without Straus, please.