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Kritiken (3 610)

Plakat

Rambo III (1988) booo!

Englisch This is not a movie, but a mess. You can react to such a spectacle either with laughter or tears. It's useful only for hardcore fans of action films. The propaganda dimension was also an obvious anachronism considering the time of its creation. Overall impression: 5% (for the military technology).

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Steven Seagal - Mercenary (2006) booo!

Englisch Fans of action movies can of course give it any number of stars, but I don't have the time or nerves for this. It's not a B-movie, as this spectacle belongs somewhere at the end of the alphabet....Overall impression: 5% for the pyrotechnics.

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8½ Frauen (1999) booo!

Englisch Greenaway's film is one of those rare cases when, despite my undeniable stinginess, I would be willing to leave the movie theater after half an hour and forget the money because I saved a bit of my increasingly scarce time. The question is: is it possible to make a film that is supposed to deal with the dark sides of the human soul, sexuality, and the lives of wealthy people unrestricted by social conventions in an unbelievably boring way? Yes. Greenaway proves that with a little effort, it can be done. If I were a producer, I would rather burn the money in the fireplace than invest it in a similar spectacle. It is an immensely self-centered and difficult-to-digest film, primarily intended for the festival circuit audience, for the small circle of true intellectuals, and a considerably larger circle of those who think they are intellectuals so that they can eagerly debate the hidden meanings of the film after seeing it. At the beginning, one character asks another: "Do you think leading directors make their films to satisfy their sexual fantasies?" - the other replies: "I think most of them do." If Greenaway made this film to satisfy his sexual fantasies, then he is a very boring and eccentric patron. This film is neither provocative nor spicy, and in no way is it true to life, because I have encountered a fair number of bizarre characters, sociopaths, and nutcases, but I have never come across anything remotely similar to these film characters. Overall impression: 5%.

Plakat

The Blair Witch Project (1999) booo!

Englisch I avoided this movie back when it came out with the thought that it wouldn't be my cup of tea. If I had listened to my instinct, I wouldn't have wasted a few bucks and almost 90 minutes of my precious time. But as years go by, as they say, people become foolish. So I was expecting many things, but I have to admit that I was equally shocked. While watching it, I had to constantly remind myself of the fairy tale "The Emperor's New Clothes", for which I have a personal version based on my own experiences. Once upon a time, in the 80s, a friend came up with the idea of teasing others and pulled out genuine marijuana, when he mixed used tobacco with several terrifying ingredients (yes, even just thinking about it now makes me feel sick) and let others smoke it. Everyone felt incredibly sick, but they all spread rumors that it was an incredibly beautiful experience, and not only that, they even believed it because, over the years, when at least some of them experienced the real taste and effects of marijuana, they still reminisced about their first experience with it. It's a bit like that with this movie, which is one of those that aren't interesting from a cinematic perspective, but rather from reading enthusiastic reviews. This sort of awkwardness isn't even seen in the works of film school students, and the desperate absence of anything that could be called an atmosphere with a large dose of imagination is unbelievable. This film doesn't contain a single interesting shot, a single cinematically interesting moment, or a single acting performance, and the only thing commendable is the marketing, which cleverly utilized the emerging phenomenon of the internet in the 90s to launch its advertising campaign and build a reputation as an independent cult film. After watching it, I had a night shift and climbed up the ladders of the technological shafts of a power plant block, where I didn't encounter a soul all night and only listened to the monotonous sound of fans and operating technological units. Sporadic lighting, insulation, and giant machines. If this film even had a hint of horror potential, I should have at least felt a breeze of fear. But it was nonexistent. This cult completely passed me by, and truth be told, I understand it the least out of all of them. Overall impression: 0%.

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Tank Girl (1995) booo!

Englisch The sympathetic efforts to make the worst comic book adaptation missed the mark because I can't remember worse films of this kind than Vampirella and Barb Wire. However, coming in third place is not to be dismissed, and I will remember this movie whenever I need to encourage my gag reflex. Nevertheless, it proves that a comic book movie can be made very cheaply. Overall impression: 5%.

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Famille Pirate (1999) (Serie) booo!

Englisch I'm not sure what's worse about this film - whether it's the terrifying animation, dreadful artistic execution, or stupid script and dreadful dubbing. In the end, I was truly ashamed when I caught my daughter watching this series because it was evidence of my parenting failure. I need to keep my child engaged so they don't have the opportunity to spoil their taste in such a straightforward manner. Overall impression: 10%.

Plakat

American Pie präsentiert: Die College-Clique (2007) booo!

Englisch The majority of people know this scenario: they come to a party where everyone is already at a certain level of alcohol intoxication and jokes are being told that everyone finds extremely funny, but if you are sober and not in the party mood, you perceive them as incredibly awkward. This film cannot even be consumed sober and without a forgiving mood given how unbelievably dull and cheap it is. It has distanced itself even further from the original version toward absolute simplicity, so it's best to use it as a backdrop for a party where a group of enthusiastic teenagers of both genders gathers. Overall impression: 0% (unfortunately, I wasn't at the party).

Plakat

Rocky IV - Der Kampf des Jahrhunderts (1985) booo!

Englisch With the fourth installment, the series of Rocky Balboa films has moved from films that bypass me thematically to the category of films that, pardon my French, piss me off. It is rare to see this sort of stupid propagandistic film. There are propagandistic works that have quality directing, polished screenplays, and excellent casts and performances, but Rocky IV has none of that. If I had to look at this matter objectively, I would have to be squatting on Jupiter. Overall impression: 10% (for Gorbachev with the large red spot on his head).

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Zeit der Sehnsucht (1965) (Serie) booo!

Englisch It is certainly not the flagship of soap operas, but in a way, it's fascinating how long the series has managed to stay on the air. It has nothing to do with quality, rather it's an interesting subject for sociological research... My impression is zero.

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Trouble Every Day (2001) booo!

Englisch Yes, I'm incorrigible. I waste money my whole life and invest it in useless things, but in this case, the loss of about two dollars was particularly painful. I should have given it to beggars at the station. A completely mishandled film with a miserable script that is uninteresting, stupid, and tasteless. Overall impression: 5%.