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Filmmaker and clergyman’s son Hans Busstra wanted to investigate why believers are so firm and unshakeable in their faith. How can you believe so steadfastly in a god when there is so much suffering in the world? While filming, he found that his own faith started to waver: every time he thinks he has found God, he soon feels abandoned by him again. Busstra enters into a confrontation with himself for the camera: is it permitted to doubt the existence of God? The filmmaker has chosen not to go in search of an all-encompassing answer to the question of religion worldwide, but wisely restricts himself to the personal experience of his Christian background. He talks to a series of devout Christians, ranging from his parents to radical evangelists, and films himself as he frets and talks on the phone to friends – believers and non-believers – looking for answers in contemplative conversations. The most extreme of these experiences is an emotional baptism ceremony at a Christian survival camp Busstra takes part in. Personal soul-searching is interspersed with quiet, poetic footage and clips of church services, choirs and psalms. The result is a fascinating, intimate representation of how Christians – doubting or not – experience modern society. (International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam)
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